Norwegian
Culture 

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Subject: Ole and Sven die

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobile accident, drunker than skunks, and go to  Hell.  The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to  them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you? 

Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from  nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm  up a little bit, ya know.' 

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the  heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota, the devil  finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking mead. 

The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone  down here is in total misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves and I want to know why!' 

Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis  nice.' 

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. 
The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives.  The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. 

The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and the inhabitants of hell are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.   The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there  and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are  jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. 

The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat  you're  happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy.  What is wrong  with you two?' 

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if  hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl'  
Important Document Found!
The important poem, Ten thousand Swedes run through the Weeds, was recently found and is presented to all modern Norwegians:

Ten thousand Swedes run through the Weeds
Chased by One Norwegian
Ten thousand more run to the shore
In the battle of Copenhagen

Way, way back in history
Back when the world was new
Norwegians searched all over
To find some snoose to chew

They fished for Lutefisk and Torsk
It helped to make them strong
And you and me, we know a Norsk
Cannot do nothing wrong

But Swedes and Danes were anxious
Of Viking trips and raids
The Viking shield and helmet horns
Made all those folks afraid

Throughout the world the Vikings sailed
To Ireland and France
They even found America
One afternoon by chance

My Grandpa says, and he should know,
The Swedes made up their minds
To beat the Norskie Vikings
And kick a few "behind"

But history, so my grandpa says,
Shows that the Norskies won
They clobbered all the Swedes and Danes
And made it lots of fun

The Thousand Swedes run through the Weeds
Pursued by One Norwegian
The dust from the weeds made snoose for the Swedes
And they called it Copenhagen

Hans Myhre 

Vicki Rudh-Jones P.T.
President
Sons of Norway Valhall Lodge #168-5
283 Osprey Ridge
Machesney Park, IL 61115
1-815-282-2374

Norwegian and German 
Chocolate Thieves

A Norwegian and a German entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, the German stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, the German said to the Norwegian, "Man I'm the best thief, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can't beat that."

The Norwegian replied: "You want to see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing."

So they went to the counter and the Norwegian said to the shopkeeper, "Do you want to see magic?" 

The shopkeeper replied, "Yes." 

The Norwegian said, "Give me one chocolate bar." 

The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it. 

The Norwegian asked for a second bar, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too. 

The shopkeeper asked: "But where's the magic?"

The Norwegian replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find all three bars of chocolate."

You just CAN'T beat a Norwegian!

A Norwegian painter by the name of Skipper Oleson , while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for his paintings.  

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretched limo and asked Skipper if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request and it had Skipper a bit perturbed. The beautiful lady told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $50,000. 

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Skipper asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus. 

In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus. The wife says it's okay. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I have ta leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes" 

Please read with your Norwegian ‘accent’-------- 

Ole, Sven and the Sears Catalog

One day Ole and Sven were paging through the Sears Catalog and admiring all the beautiful models. 

Ole said to Sven, "Haf you seen da perdy girls in dis catalog?" 
Sven replied, "Ya, Dey sure are bootiful, an yust look at da prices!" 

Ole looked wide eyed and said, "Yumpin' yimminy. Dey ain't very expensive. At dees prices I'm buyin' me vun!" 

Sven smiled, patted Ole on the back and said, "By golly Ole, if she's as perdy as she looks in da catalog, I vill get vun too." 

Three weeks later Sven came by and asked Ole, "Did ja effer git dat girl you ordered from da Sears Catalog?" 

Ole replied, "No, but it von't be long now; her clothes came yesterday!"